Constantly whining about your lack of success and shitting on yourself makes you feel very unapproachable.
No idea why you included the anecdote where you still email Chris' old accounts but get no response. Have some self respect, that did nothing but make you look pathetic. I don't know if that's the point, like you're playing a character, or if that's completely unintentional. Regardless, you should work on this inferiority complex you apparently suffer from. It's dominating your personality and it's a drag to watch.